Norwegian Bachelor Farmer Tendencies

Last night, as he stumbled out of the dust and rubble of what used to be my bathroom and onto his bed, Dad jerked his thumb back toward the wreckage and mumbled "Clean that up in there, would you?"

This seems like a simple task that requires no more skill than the ability to wield a broom and a dustpan. But before I continue, let's play a game. I want you to divide the following photographs of things I found in my bedroom last night into two categories: "JUNK" and "NOT JUNK." (Answers will appear at the bottom of this blog post.)

(1) Lightly used nails & screws.

(2) Plastic electrical box; 2 inches of corner bead; and I'm not sure what to call the other things.

(3) Used plywood; 18 inches of 4inch PVC; tar paper dug up from under the old linoleum floor.

(4) More PVC removed from the old drain below the toilet.

What a lay person may not know is that what Dad thinks is garbage and what the rest of the world thinks is garbage are two different things, and that anyone cleaning up a Redmond Burke job site needs one extra special skill: the ability to read Redmond Burke's mind.

A typical cleanup involves the following conversation at least five times:
Anne: [yelling] "Dad....? Is this garbage?"
Dad: [hollering] "What?"
Anne: "THIS!"
Dad: "Well, you might consider it garbage. And it might be one day. But, for now, just put it behind the machine. You know, just today I went down behind the machine and found [insert garbagey item] which was just what I needed!"

Clarification: "The machine" is the air handling unit of my HVAC system. "Behind the machine" is the small area of the closet not taken up by the air handling unit.

Here are just some of the things that currently live behind the machine:

"The Machine"


Assorted bits of PVC fittings.

Doors from the cabinets we tore out of the kitchen.

The fluorescent lamp that used to hang in the kitchen.

Extra slats for the blinds in Catherine's kitchen, in case Charlie goes bananas on them again.

I'm just sayin'. There's a lot of stuff already behind the machine.

Yesterday, on the News from Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor described this pack-rat mentality perfectly in his sermon about Norwegian Bachelor Farmer tendencies:

"Norwegian Bachelor Farmer tendencies start when you set something down in a place it doesn’t belong and you leave it there.

Even for two minutes.

You put your beer can down on the floor and you put a pair of socks down by it.
And then you add a magazine.

And before you know it these things multiply. And you come back and suddenly you’re wading through debris and flotsam and jetsam on the floor and pretty soon you’ve got a car up on blocks in the weeds by the garage. And you’ve got old refrigerators with the doors hanging open. And appliances out there. And you’ve got bed springs sitting in your front yard.

And now you’ve gone around the bend and you need intervention, 'cause a person can’t live alone.
Most people are unable to live alone.

All of us need adult supervision. And that usually comes from a woman who lives with you. A woman who says 'What are you doing with that?' and 'What did you put that down there for?' You need a critic. You need a critic."

Well, that's all the news from Lake Ferry. Where all the woman sees is trash, all the man sees is treasure, and all the dog sees is a pair of blinds in the way of his view of the cat across the street.

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Answers:
(1) NOT JUNK
(2) NOT JUNK
(3) NOT JUNK
(4) NOT JUNK